I had a mini-melt down. It has been 7 plus weeks since I had to start working from home and the “stay-at-home” order was given by our governor. My faith has kept me sane and for the most part I would say I was doing okay till now. My son stopped over to pick up something he had in our basement. He accessed the basement via the outdoor bilco door and stayed within 6 feet of my husband and I. It is the way it has been for the last 7 weeks so why the melt down now? I am a relational person and an introvert, but it was the first time in my life I have been tested this way. Where I can’t hug my kids or grandkids, I can’t visit them at their homes. I can’t cuddle the grandbabies. I can’t meet a friend for coffee or fellowship with my church family. Why God? How long?
God’s Answer: The next day the online sermon from my Pastor was on Habakkuk 1:1-11. Habakkuk was the only prophet that opens with questions for God. How Long? Why? All the questions I was thinking but hadn’t versed to God. How long do we have to be in isolation? How long before I can hug my grandkids? How long…the list goes on. Why is this bothering me? Why…the list goes on. It goes on to say it is okay to ask God these questions. Habakkuk was asking for wisdom. I can too. Only God can help and by asking Him I am holding it all open for God. Once again I was reminded:
1. God is going to do something amazing.
2. God is doing something beyond our comprehension. He will use the wickedness of
man to bring out salvation.
3. God is listening. He will resolve all injustices. He can use human sin to accomplish His purposes.
My response: It was a beautiful day that Sunday. Spring-like for the first time. I put on a t-shirt and shorts and went outside to weed my garden. I am not much of a gardener but I do appreciate flowers. My yard is too shady for most flowers but I do have some shade lovers and wildflowers that seem to grow and spread without me doing much. I used to pull the wildflowers out but this day I really noticed their beauty and let them stay. As I began weeding, digging in the warm dirt I felt the warmth of the sun, saw the blue sky, heard the birds chirping. Then I noticed a bumblebee flitting from flower to flower and I sat in awe watching. Suddenly a snake slithered by me into the ground cover. The simple things of life that prior to this shut down I may not have noticed or appreciated. I was now looking at them through the eyes of a child. I am a child of God. He heard my “how longs and whys” and was comforting me with His creation to let me know He heard me.
The next week I saw some of what I deemed unfair in my family and heard a lot of negative news in the world and once again my eyes were back on myself. Why God? It is Mother’s Day and how I wish to be with my family.
God’s Response: The online sermon was from Habakkuk 1:12-17, 2:1-5. Habakkuk was asking God why He wasn’t doing anything about the wicked. Habakkuk did acknowledge the following about God even though what was happening didn’t make sense to him:
1. God is faithful.
2. God is just in His discipline.
3. God is Holy.
God acknowledges it is a wise man who takes his questions to God about God. His answer to Habukkuk:
1. God sees the wicked.
2. The wicked are never at rest.
3. The wicked are never truly satisfied.
God’s answer will come in time. He will stop the wicked in time. We must live by faith, abiding in His righteousness.
My response: Once again I was brought up short to realize God was in control and to stop feeling sorry for myself. What I am finding so hard to deal with during this shut down is all part of God’s bigger plan. He may be using this crisis to accomplish what plan He had even before this started. I must continue to abide in Him. To wait with anticipation of what is to come. So, my family did not disappoint. My youngest son FaceTimed me so I could see my newest granddaughter. My oldest granddaughter did a porch drop off of a beautiful plant and chocolate with a card from her family and then they all FaceTimed me. My oldest son and his wife both texted me and my third son called me on the phone. Another beautiful Sunday. My husband and I went for a walk, stopping to enjoy a water fall and flowers. Once again God’s creation soothed my soul.
Why? Live by faith…