“Thank you Lin…I love you”

18 months ago I posted that my brother had been diagnosed with small cell lung cancer.  He had a good quality of life throughout his treatments but he lost the battle on February 28, 2017.  Actually in his words he won.  He said right from the beginning that he was in a win-win situation.  He would either be healed here on earth or be healed in heaven with Jesus.  That statement sounded really good when he said it but when the finality of it happened it didn’t feel good.  I know it was good.  He is in heaven with Jesus, pain free…cancer free.  But there is a hole in our family now.  There were four of us siblings, now there are 3.  The pain in my heart was intense.  So hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I will not see him, hear him, email him, text him ever again here on earth.

Finding a new normal is what we as a family have been struggling with these last couple of months.  It is getting easier day by day.  He planned his own “Celebration of Life”.   I was in awe of the amount of people there whose lives he touched.  As testimonies were given about his life there was a common thread about how he gave himself in so many ways.  He was always there for the underdog.  He was a bright spot in the cancer center to the staff and other patients.  He made everyone laugh.  His way of dealing with insecurity  was to crack a joke.  He had asked me to speak about knowing him.  God gave me the strength to do that.  That was one step of healing from his loss, writing this post is another step.  My next step is to change his phone number in my phone to his wife’s name as she is using his phone now.  I will see her name appear on the caller id instead of his.  I need to focus on moving on and cherishing the memories.

He went down hill real fast.  I live in another state and couldn’t get to see him before he passed but I did get to talk to him on the phone.  He talked very raspy at this point so I asked if I could sing to him.  He said yes so I sang Amazing Grace and It is Well with my Soul.  I then prayed and told him I loved him.  He rasped out his final words to me, “Thank you Lin, I love you”.  I will cherish those words in my heart until we meet again.

“Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)”
Chris Tomlin

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I’m found
Was blind, but now I see

‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

[2x]
My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below,
Will be forever mine.
Will be forever mine.
You are forever mine.

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