Green toe nails…big green eyeglasses & multicolor running shoes
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are”
My earlier post Chapters of Life is a synopsis of my life. The current chapter is the one I am living in right now-the one that is being written. You will see posts on this chapter as I become of aware of what God is doing in my life. I am pretty excited about this time because as the above quote by e.e. cummings says I feel like I finally have the courage to grow up and become who I really am. Like a butterfly emerging from it’s cocoon and stretching it wings to dry I am beginning to fly. To God be the glory I am no longer afraid to be myself. I never realized how much I hid or kept myself in the background trying not to be noticed until now. Wow how much I have missed because of that. So let me tell you how this started…
Back in April of this year I went shopping with a gift card to look for something new to wear on our vacation in Florida. I searched through the racks of clothing. Nothing appealed to me until one more pass through a rack of capris and there it was. A very pink pair of capris in my size! They caught my eye but my mind immediately dismissed them because they were pink. I don’t wear pink….pink doesn’t look good on me I tried to tell myself. But I also couldn’t get the idea of buying them out of my head. So I removed them from the rack and went to the fitting room. That would be the proof that I shouldn’t wear these. Well I put them on and they fit perfectly, they were very comfortable and I liked them. I decided I would buy them but was feeling very self conscious as I approached the check out counter. The young lady behind the counter exclaimed that she loved the color. Ok I felt a little better then. I ended up not wearing them on vacation but I did wear them with a pink flowered top to a Ladies Hawaiian themed brunch at church. I really put myself out there. I was sure my friends would tell me pink wasn’t my color but no they exclaimed how nice I looked in pink. “You need to wear more pink”, “You look so pretty in pink” Oh my I was thrilled but also not comfortable with the attention. After that day, though, I began to feel a shift in my thinking about myself. In my morning quiet time I felt the Lord nudging me to allow myself to be the person He created. it was ok to be me, to be noticed, to wear what I want and to be who I am and be confident in it.
The next month I went for my eye exam and needed to get new eyeglasses. I went into the optical shop and my eyes were drawn immediately to a pair of big green frames. I tried them on. Quite a difference from my smaller nondescript wire frames. The technician exclaimed how nice they looked on me but I figured he was just trying to make a sale. I looked at other frames but kept coming back to the green ones. So I bought the green ones. Another step out of my comfort zone and in step with God. I received many compliments on my glasses but more than anything I felt more comfortable with myself.
The next big step occurred when I went with my daughter-in-law to get a manicure and pedicure. As we were looking over the bottles of nail polish to choose our colors I she handed me a green polish and said I should use that for my toe nails. I already had a neutral color in my hand. Here it was again another opportunity for me to step out of my comfort zone. So I took the green polish for my toenails. On a roll…
The most recent step (no pun intended or maybe it is) came at our local running store when I went in to sign up for a running group with complete strangers and buy new running shoes. A little explanation here…I have been running by myself but really wanted people to run with for motivation and support. Signing up for this group is a major breakthrough. I would never do anything like this by myself. I would have to have a friend with me. So back to the original thought. The owner of the store said she was wondering when I would join this. She knew that I ran by myself. That was confirmation! Normally the store doesn’t have my shoe size in stock and I have to order them. But this time she came out from the back room with not one but 3 pairs of shoes for me to try. One was a very conservative color which she said were similar to what I had been wearing. Two was black with colors swirled in. Three was multicolored and I immediately dismissed them. But again I found myself nudged and I believe the Holy Spirit was again giving me that confirmation to continue on the path He was leading me on this summer. So as you probably already know I chose the multicolored shoes.
Tonight I went out running with the group of “strangers” in my new multicolored running shoes. No one else had my shoes. I was unique and ok with it. Most of the women knew each other but I stepped out and engaged with them. I came home feeling wonderful. I’m liking myself. I feel God smiling on me as He has been waiting for me to surrender myself enough to like the person He created.